There is one line in particular that I feel is cause for concern:
"BEWARE:If you stole these bikes and I see you or your children riding around on one of them I will get out of my car and wrestle you down if given the chance and because you are obviously a poor excuse for a parent I WILL PERSONALLY BUY YOUR CHILD A BRAND NEW BIKE to hopefully make up for their lack of a good role model who is so awful that they would give their child a STOLEN bike."
"BEWARE:If you stole these bikes and I see you or your children riding around on one of them I will get out of my car and wrestle you down if given the chance and because you are obviously a poor excuse for a parent I WILL PERSONALLY BUY YOUR CHILD A BRAND NEW BIKE to hopefully make up for their lack of a good role model who is so awful that they would give their child a STOLEN bike."
If you and your children are planning a bike playdate anytime soon, this could be the result:
But hey, at least she gave us fair warning, right? And, she makes up for it by offering to buy the kid a bike. So save a concussion, no harm done, right? I think we all know having a bike stolen is a pretty low thing to have happen, much less one of your children's bikes, so I say we must be vigilant and keep our eyes peeled for these bikes. If spotted, remember: no questions, just tackle!
Seriously though, when it comes to bike theft, I think it would be fair to turn the thief over to the owner of the bike and let them do what they feel to the thief, which would hopefully be more than just tackling... I was just picturing some poor kid riding their bike and being tackled out of the blue. It can happen:
-Beware of women out to tackle your bike-riding child
-Always beware of Johnny the tackling Alzheimer's patient
My community service for the weekend is complete.
And now back to the regularly scheduled rambling:
I had planned on going on the Thursday Night Road Ride last night, hosted by a local racer who pretty much fits the profile of why I do not like to call myself a cyclist (i.e. should spend more time riding and less time worrying about what his bike looks like/weighs). But, riding to and from school/work yesterday I was definitely feeling the hills from the day before, and I had nobody to go with, so I decided to go to my roommate's performance with the UT Jazz Ensemble. Given that Ron Westray is the conductor for that group, and his, um, "lively" (an understatement to say the least) style of conducting, I think I made the right choice. Of course, I am also biased as my most recent birthday wrapped up at the Elephant Room to watch the Ron Westray Quartet, whereby they blew my mind by ending their set with a 15 minute vamp of Silent Night. Amazing.
So, in lieu of my review of a sweaty, lycralicious, testosterone-driven group ride, I am sharing with you ways to make your life not suck. Considering I already gave two pointers above, you should thank me for my generosity. And so I bring you this gem:
"Want to ride faster on limited training time?"
Yes
"Are you interested in recovering faster between each training ride so that you are ready to train effectively the next time?"
Yes!
"Do you want to have more energy so that you can do your workouts around your other commitments without problems?"
omg, YES! How did you know?!!
"Find out how you can drop 5 pounds in one week, the healthy way and gain the competitive edge in cycling."
Holy crap, where do I sign up?
"I stated training from zero fitness at age 30 in 2005 and have now been racing top level for 3 years now."
hmmm, something smells fishy here, other than just your grammar...
Ok, so either this dude has combined TrimSpa, 5 Hour Energy, Bowflex, and probably some Enzyte (just for good measure) in some sketchy meth lab in Kansas, or he's pushing 'roids. Either way, who would trust this melting pot of late night miracle commercials? And if he is legit, he should really stop sounding like a melting pot of late night micacle commercials. Need I say more?
Finally, since it's Friday, I will leave you with a valuable lesson learned the hard way by some fellow Austinites: It's a waste of time to spend your Friday nights on LiveJournal, unless you like to partake in discussions (and I use the term lightly) that go nowhere.
While I generally agree with the original purpose of Critical Mass, I have never taken part in a ride. Why? I feel there are a handful of people who do it and just go out looking for confrontation, and that ruins it for the rest of us. Another reason is they tend to do things like ride through parking garages, or on the interstate, which, I feel goes against the whole beauty and reason behind riding a bike: we don't have to put up with those same annoyances as those who drive.
That being said, I have no sympathy for someone who had to wait at a light while Critical Mass passes through. You're driving on a Friday afternoon, downtown, you would be an idiot not to expect delays. So, the last Friday of every month, just plan ahead. It's not that hard. As a matter of fact, when you commute by bike most places, you always have to plan ahead. Cars are convenient, and convenience tends to make us lazy and lose appreciation for what we have. I just love reading all the reasons why people "NEED" their car, when the truth is with less money and a little more time and effort, most everything you "need" your car for can be accomplished by bike or walking. Of course, the infrastructure of our country and the American Wet Dream being based around the car, some would probably consider me a terrorist for such a statement.
Before someone calls me out on it, yes, I do own a car, and yes I do use it from time to time, and yes I feel guilty and hypocritical about 95% of the time I use it. But, I too am lazy and not perfect, and it is convenient when I do not want to ride. Plus, my dad would likely kill me if I got rid of the car (he already thinks I'm a gay vegetarian because I don't eat as much steak as him). So do I need my car? Certainly not, and I look forward to a time in my life when I can live without one. But for where I am in my life, if nothing else, it's an easy way to get a free beer from a friend in exchange for a ride ;-)
So, in lieu of my review of a sweaty, lycralicious, testosterone-driven group ride, I am sharing with you ways to make your life not suck. Considering I already gave two pointers above, you should thank me for my generosity. And so I bring you this gem:
"Want to ride faster on limited training time?" Yes
"Are you interested in recovering faster between each training ride so that you are ready to train effectively the next time?"
Yes!
"Do you want to have more energy so that you can do your workouts around your other commitments without problems?"
omg, YES! How did you know?!!
"Find out how you can drop 5 pounds in one week, the healthy way and gain the competitive edge in cycling."
Holy crap, where do I sign up?
"I stated training from zero fitness at age 30 in 2005 and have now been racing top level for 3 years now."
hmmm, something smells fishy here, other than just your grammar...
Ok, so either this dude has combined TrimSpa, 5 Hour Energy, Bowflex, and probably some Enzyte (just for good measure) in some sketchy meth lab in Kansas, or he's pushing 'roids. Either way, who would trust this melting pot of late night miracle commercials? And if he is legit, he should really stop sounding like a melting pot of late night micacle commercials. Need I say more?
Finally, since it's Friday, I will leave you with a valuable lesson learned the hard way by some fellow Austinites: It's a waste of time to spend your Friday nights on LiveJournal, unless you like to partake in discussions (and I use the term lightly) that go nowhere.
While I generally agree with the original purpose of Critical Mass, I have never taken part in a ride. Why? I feel there are a handful of people who do it and just go out looking for confrontation, and that ruins it for the rest of us. Another reason is they tend to do things like ride through parking garages, or on the interstate, which, I feel goes against the whole beauty and reason behind riding a bike: we don't have to put up with those same annoyances as those who drive.
That being said, I have no sympathy for someone who had to wait at a light while Critical Mass passes through. You're driving on a Friday afternoon, downtown, you would be an idiot not to expect delays. So, the last Friday of every month, just plan ahead. It's not that hard. As a matter of fact, when you commute by bike most places, you always have to plan ahead. Cars are convenient, and convenience tends to make us lazy and lose appreciation for what we have. I just love reading all the reasons why people "NEED" their car, when the truth is with less money and a little more time and effort, most everything you "need" your car for can be accomplished by bike or walking. Of course, the infrastructure of our country and the American Wet Dream being based around the car, some would probably consider me a terrorist for such a statement.
Before someone calls me out on it, yes, I do own a car, and yes I do use it from time to time, and yes I feel guilty and hypocritical about 95% of the time I use it. But, I too am lazy and not perfect, and it is convenient when I do not want to ride. Plus, my dad would likely kill me if I got rid of the car (he already thinks I'm a gay vegetarian because I don't eat as much steak as him). So do I need my car? Certainly not, and I look forward to a time in my life when I can live without one. But for where I am in my life, if nothing else, it's an easy way to get a free beer from a friend in exchange for a ride ;-)
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